This is my first time leaving the twins for a whole week.
I left my daughter at this same time last year for a work conference so she has experienced this before. I also found out two days after that trip that I was pregnant with the boys. ” Look Mommy, two babies!”
I’ll never forget that visit. I cried there, the whole way home, at work, and the next 9 months. It’s funny the best and worst news I’ve ever received turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I love when people tell me I have a lot on my plate like it’s something I wasn’t aware of. That’s what I heard while making my plans for my departure.
“Well can your husband handle all that by himself?” Yes he will be fine, he has no choice but to figure it out. “Aren’t you going to miss them?” Is that a trick question? “Can’t you just cancel this work trip and explain you have kids?” I never knew that children stopped you from absolutely everything.
I have always been able to handle myself in a difficult situation. It goes like this- panic, anxiety, pity me, then buckle down and do it. I will always pull through and so will my family. I am a little nervous to leave only because I am a complete control freak (big shocker) and very rarely do I let things out of my grasp to fly by the seat of my pants. Only this time, I have no choice. I’m taking advice from my toddler and Elsa and I’m going to, ” Let it go”.
It’s funny to me how people and things that were never in your life before take such precedence. I loved not having kids because I did whatever the hell I wanted when I wanted. If I decided to sit my ass in front of the TV and eat chips without a well balanced meal being prepared I did just that. Or when I wanted to leave and hit the mall I could do it effortlessly. Now, I continually have to answer to a threenager, and two little people who drool and chew on their fingers all day long, but I don’t know what I would do without them. How did I live?
I will be honest. I am looking forward to Phoenix. I will be childless and shower in peace. I can go to bed and not have to put other people to bed first. I will also be able to go to the bathroom without seeing little fingers under the door or hear someone screaming. I can eat the food on my plate and not have to share… ALL MINE!
But it’s weird because I see a lot of the letter “I” in the sentence above. Without the twins and Elena, and my husband there is no me. They all make me and break me. “I” looks so lonely. People always want what they don’t have and then miss what they left behind. Human nature I suppose.
I ended up writing this on a whim only because all of those thoughts have been flying through my brain as I start packing my bags, and folding their laundry. It will all be fine. This is a good break for all of us, I know I’m not the easiest person to live with.
Zach don’t wash the laundry and throw it on the floor. Can you please pick up your wrappers so nobody eats it?
Just signing off and leaving a question for all parents to ponder. How often do you miss your children? Is it tied with how often you wish you could have time to yourself?
I’ll let you know in a couple of weeks.