Mom skin is my issue, I hate it.
Every single time I put on a pair of leggings I turn to look in the mirror and I feel like the Grinch. When I sit down I feel like I have a spare tire around my waist. Then to make matters worse, the pants start cutting into my extra skin, which then folds around the top until it starts to resemble a taco.
This is life after children.
“Nothing fits right so I’m not going!”
I have been doing Crossfit for two and a half years. I have seen so many different body types. I do realize that not everyone’s body is perfect.
However, after having my first child with only working out at a rec center (which consisted of mainly an elliptical) my body bounced back quickly. Now after having the twins and working out harder before, during, and after pregnancy, I am somewhat frustrated on how my midsection looks. This time is taking longer which is leaving me feeling defeated.
Yes ladies, the dreaded “twin skin” is real. No matter how much weight you gain or lose it will find you. No matter how hard you work out it will hang on you for a decent amount of time.
What I am trying to say is no matter what level of activity you are doing there is still a probability that you may never achieve your before body again. (At least not as fast you want too.) You may also feel uncomfortable in this new set of skin.
This is where I am struggling. There are many people who see me and those thoughts never pop into their heads. I am my worst critic, we all can be.
As someone who spent a solid 10 years struggling with an eating disorder, this realization is a nightmare. The past few months have been very hard for me.
I have grown to love WOD’s and embraced my body for what it was. I loved that strong is beautiful and that I had to eat to fuel myself. But lately after only seeing minimal results in the area I hate on my body the most I am starting to feel myself look at food like I used too. The enemy.
Have I done anything regretful? Nope. Why? Well, for starters I have my family to think about. I would never put them through that. I would never do anything to the extent I had done once before ever again. It isn’t just an issue that I struggle with it is something that the people I love most have to endure and fight. Even though I am upset and starting to have horrible thoughts about it I will not cave. They mean to much to me for that.
Secondly, now that I know all of the things my body is capable of I don’t want to give that up. From growing 3 beautiful babies, to feeling strong… I may have a little more squish to my belly but I’m not 100% certain I would feel any better if that was eliminated along with all of the things I enjoy. Without proper nutrition I will not stay strong. I will wither and become weak.
I will lose energy. I probably wouldn’t be able to keep up with my toddler, make new PR’s at the gym, or even carry two car seats and a book bag at once. At the lowest weight of my life I could barely carry a gallon of milk.
Is it really worth it?
My logical mind says, “Hell no.” But that dark corner of my past says, ” Just try it and see how far you can get.”
I am writing this now and being brutally honest. I want to reach out to anyone who struggles with body image to let them know it’s going to be okay. That you and I, are perfect the way we are. Things can change and progress can be made, but in the right way! I am going to be held accountable for my progress starting today. I am going to continue to push hard while keeping my mind positive.
Physical health is important and so is mental health. Being able to discuss your flaws, face them, and accept is a huge deal. Self love is the most important thing. For me, the sense of not feeling alone in my struggles is comforting. I have a wonderful group of women at my gym who know these feelings all to well. I can call ANY OF THEM and they will be there to listen, and offer their heartfelt advice. Hell, we even can relate on the same topics from time to time. So finding someone to talk to is a huge help.
Life can be hard but with the right group of people around you it is manageable.
Today I feel pretty good and I had a decent workout. The choice of barbell movements were not in my favor but with that came new skills to make the necessary changes to achieve the desired outcome.
CHANGES. WORK. PROGRESS. PATIENCE. SUCCESS.
Everything changes. Where we are today may not be where we are tomorrow or a year from now. Rough times will pass, we will grow and evolve. Keep on keeping on.
Tomorrow is a new day so be the best version of yourself, for yourself.
No matter what you think you see, know that you are worth it.