It’s a battle every day, from the moment my feet hit the floor.
It’s not a habit I am proud of, but a sickness I can’t ignore.
I know I am my hardest critic, and my worst enemy.
You are taking me over piece by piece, and this will be the death of me.
I should know it’s not important, just a number on a scale.
It’s me versus you now, and I hope someday to prevail.
I’m starving my body and also my soul.
I see you sickness, and watch you laugh, because you are in control.

I cannot face you alone; I know I’m not that strong.
You’ve been hiding around corners, waiting to appear all along.
You are now taking me over completely, as I knew you would do.
Maybe someday there will be hope for me, and then I can control you.

I wrote this poem a long time ago, but wanted to share it because I had entered it into a contest. Please enjoy or feel free to leave feedback.


Girls Change “Besties” Like Underwear

Maybe I am just a simple person, with a simple mind. Someone who firmly believes in the value of sustaining a real friendship. Also, putting in the work to maintain a long lasting bond. Let me take this time to explain…

As I was browsing social networks today I took note on how many times I would see and read about “Besties”. So out of curiosity I took the time to look up that word which means by the Urban Dictionaries definition,” Friends who have each other’s backs, look out for each other, spend lots of time together, and are just really good friends.” Though informative it made me realize that people most be spreading themselves awfully thin to maintain such an extensive list of these friends, and frankly it sounds like a lot of work. So maybe it is just my old school way of thinking but I personally feel that having one or two friends who I consider my closest ones is the best way. In doing so, I am being true to myself by surrounding myself with honest people, and people who really make me feel good. People who obviously want the same things out of the friendship as I do which is a dependability, and a lasting connection. That is all it is for me and I don’t feel the need to label it best friends. I would prefer to refer to those relationships as close friends, or family. Which I feel is a much better way to describe them since words that specify closeness such as the one I am writing about gets thrown around like a hot potato.  I also don’t need to worry about hurt feelings by stringing too many people along (“besties”) and putting time and effort into pointless relationships. When the people whom I would be stringing think we are closer than we are, and only expect more from me when I am incapable of delivering.

I mention hurt feelings because this does happen, and especially with women who are sensitive and moody creatures. While looking through my social networks ( besides counting how many times the word was mentioned) I also took notice on how many faces went with that word. One person I saw in particular has a new face to pair with that word every week. I am not saying that having a lot of friends is a bad thing, it is good to get out there and meet people. It is also good to surround yourself with different personalities. But I am just a different person and believe that less is more, and that certain words mean more to me than others and I don’t give every person I meet that luxury. I have learned my lesson the hard way with a person from my past which I will use as an example. We spent all of our time together, shared secrets, life lessons, and I thought we were really bonded. I had pictures of us in frames at my home, and my family referred to her as my best friend. It made me feel good to finally find a person I had such an awesome friendship with. I do not use best friends lightly because I don’t share all my life with many people. I also don’t let people look at the skeletons in my closet, and neither should you. That is something only to be shared with those worth your time, and people that you can really trust. But unfortunately she was a person who had a lot of “besties” and I figured that out quickly because she always had me on the back burner, and over time I started to see all the pictures of her with all of these best friends. Meanwhile, she had never had one picture of us together…not one. So by this example I am referring to what I had mentioned previously. No, it was not childhood jealousy as in the she’s my friend, not yours complex. It was simply me realizing that I set my expectations for people too high, and must not understand the best friends label well at all.  Also, that I shouldn’t be using it as loosely as others do. Consider it my point in this post and lesson learned.

I was hurt and still to this day do not understand why people just cant be friends, instead of best friends. By throwing around the “besties” label is just makes things complicated. By being best friends, you can set yourself up for heartache. You may think you two are extremely close, when she just changes “besties” like underwear. I admit though I am happy that I have met and befriended many different people over the years. I have learned lessons, and reached out to others who have needed it. In some peoples lives I may have just been a stepping stone onto other things, and that is okay with me. Because since learning my lesson, most of these people were acquaintances and kept that way. But for the two people whom I consider my closest friends and also a part of my family, I couldn’t feel more secure about our relationship. Which further prompted me to make this post. I have “besties” but they are the real deal. I feel bad for the girls who throw that label around because maybe they really don’t have those close relationships. Or maybe they just consider everyone a “bestie”. Well I don’t, and I am more than proud to say that.