I see you there. With your messy bun placed on the top of your head. It’s form holding up as it shines like a beacon in the baking section. There are small little wisps of hair falling out at the bottom. I can see you pull at them anxiously as they dance across your neck. Don’t worry though, your hair looks fine, imperfectly perfect.
Your outfit is interesting. I like it. It’s very “fall”. The black and red oversize flannel you are wearing really compliments the leggings you have underneath. Of course, you have moccasins on as well. Clearly the typical white girl rule is to wear Uggs but we all don’t have to abide to such rules all of the time. I would’ve went with the moccasins too.
All you’re missing is a Starbucks cup with your name and “PSL” scrawled on the side of its pristine white paper fiber. I am expecting to see one as I slowly approach you from behind with my shopping cart but as you turn to the side you have something else in your hand, a small multi-colored fish rattle of some sort. Then, as you reach to the shelf for that box of delicious chocolate cake I see a baby.
In that exact moment, I see myself.
Flashing forward 6 months from now, I will be that same lady. The young first time mother who is pulling at her hair wondering if she looks exhausted. At the same moment contemplating if it looks like I’m trying too hard to look my age, then also worrying that at times I don’t.
I”ll be playing with my baby while shopping and doing my best to keep her occupied while I scramble for groceries and hurriedly debate if I really need that same chocolate cake. (To the future me, yes you always NEED the cake. Don’t forget the bottle of wine either.)
I wanted so badly to talk to you mystery woman. I wanted to tell you that you look awesome, that your baby is really cute, and that I too will be right there with you soon enough. But you already know that.
As I go around your cart smiling at your little one who stares back at me with bright blue eyes, you turn your head and great me with a warm and tired smile. A smile I am aware that in time, I will know all too well.
I find comfort in your silent acknowledgement and look forward to my own future with question, excitement, and bewilderment. To think that I too will have a baby in my cart one day is crazy stuff. I only hope to be like you. The baby is a little fussy and you are slightly flustered but it’s normal. I like that you are still trying to be yourself…down to the matching bracelet and necklace. Don’t ever lose that. I also enjoy that you’re putting your child’s need for attention first because some people just don’t.
I hope to be a wonderful mother and solid example for my daughter. I also will still be myself no matter how much work it entails. I may be spending my money on baby clothes and the best car seat around instead of the latest IPhone and I”m 100% okay with that. I was willing the day I found out about her to put her first no questions asked.
However, a little splurge every now and then never hurt and making sure I look as good as you do to go out in public doesn’t make me vain. Just myself. You go girl, and you keep on keeping on.
I am looking forward to this new life. I will have my little girl on one arm and my latte in my hand.