Feeling Insecure? Quit It!

Mom skin is my issue, I hate it.

Every single time I put on a pair of leggings I turn to look in the mirror and I feel like the Grinch. When I sit down I feel like I have a spare tire around my waist. Then to make matters worse, the pants start cutting into my extra skin, which then folds around the top until it starts to resemble a taco.

This is life after children.


“Nothing fits right so I’m not going!”

I have been doing Crossfit for two and a half years. I have seen so many different body types. I do realize that not everyone’s body is perfect.

However, after having my first child with only working out at a rec center (which consisted of mainly an elliptical) my body bounced back quickly. Now after having the twins and working out harder before, during, and after pregnancy, I am somewhat frustrated on how my midsection looks. This time is taking longer which is leaving me feeling defeated.

Yes ladies, the dreaded “twin skin” is real. No matter how much weight you gain or lose it will find you. No matter how hard you work out it will hang on you for a decent amount of time.

What I am trying to say is no matter what level of activity you are doing there is still a probability that you may never achieve your before body again. (At least not as fast you want too.) You may also feel uncomfortable in this new set of skin.

This is where I am struggling. There are many people who see me and those thoughts never pop into their heads. I am my worst critic, we all can be.

As someone who spent a solid 10 years struggling with an eating disorder, this realization is a nightmare. The past few months have been very hard for me.

I have grown to love WOD’s and embraced my body for what it was. I loved that strong is beautiful and that I had to eat to fuel myself. But lately after only seeing minimal results in the area I hate on my body the most I am starting to feel myself look at food like I used too. The enemy.

Have I done anything regretful? Nope. Why? Well, for starters I have my family to think about. I would never put them through that. I would never do anything to the extent I had done once before ever again. It isn’t just an issue that I struggle with it is something that the people I love most have to endure and fight. Even though I am upset and starting to have horrible thoughts about it I will not cave. They mean to much to me for that.

Secondly, now that I know all of the things my body is capable of I don’t want to give that up. From growing 3 beautiful babies, to feeling strong… I may have a little more squish to my belly but I’m not 100% certain I would feel any better if that was eliminated along with all of the things I enjoy. Without proper nutrition I will not stay strong. I will wither and become weak.

I will lose energy. I probably wouldn’t be able to keep up with my toddler, make new PR’s at the gym, or even carry two car seats and a book bag at once. At the lowest weight of my life I could barely carry a gallon of milk.

Is it really worth it?

My logical mind says, “Hell no.” But that dark corner of my past says, ” Just try it and see how far you can get.”

I am writing this now and being brutally honest. I want to reach out to anyone who struggles with body image to let them know it’s going to be okay. That you and I, are perfect the way we are. Things can change and progress can be made, but in the right way! I am going to be held accountable for my progress starting today. I am going to continue to push hard while keeping my mind positive.

Physical health is important and so is mental health. Being able to discuss your flaws, face them, and accept is a huge deal. Self love is the most important thing. For me, the sense of not feeling alone in my struggles is comforting. I have a wonderful group of women at my gym who know these feelings all to well. I can call ANY OF THEM and they will be there to listen, and offer their heartfelt advice. Hell, we even can relate on the same topics from time to time. So finding someone to talk to is a huge help.

Life can be hard but with the right group of people around you it is manageable.

Today I feel pretty good and I had a decent workout. The choice of barbell movements were not in my favor but with that came new skills to make the necessary changes to achieve the desired outcome.


Everything changes. Where we are today may not be where we are tomorrow or a year from now. Rough times will pass, we will grow and evolve. Keep on keeping on.

Tomorrow is a new day so be the best version of yourself, for yourself.

No matter what you think you see, know that you are worth it.







Life Changes…

Do you ever just laugh in the midst of rough times? I mean, we all handle things differently but lately all I can do is laugh or have a complete meltdown. Both are equally crazy.


Finding time for myself has been a struggle but I make it work. I have had a few people come up to me and ask if I am going to get back to writing and my answer was always, “Well I’m just so busy.” It wasn’t until the past few weeks that I caught myself in moments and thought they were blog worthy. I mean who wouldn’t want to read about Aiden playing in his shit, or Owen giving himself arm hickies. Even Elena, asking about why her Barbie has a “pee bug under her shirt”. I will make time, and hopefully be able to continue this. If I’m able to crawl out of bed half dead and show up to the CrossFit box at 7am to do a workout that makes me pee then I can handle a few posts a month.

I think its time to practice what I preach and get my ass in gear. Embracing where I am  in life is crucial to surviving it. I am here and willing to take it head on. So, since it has been a long time I will give you an update.

The twins are 5 months old, Elena is going to be 3 in October. I know, I cant even. The fact that my uterus can withstand double unders after all of the kids is phenomenal. I feel like some days it might fall out onto the floor and the next day it’s made of steel. The body is capable of much more then we give it credit for that’s for sure.

I love my little monsters but I still need to escape. Whether it be at the CrossFit gym (aka box) that I have been in and out of for 2 years, or my front porch swing. Which by the way broke while I was on it a few weeks ago. Yes, I had wine but not enough to be completely relaxed in my fall. Again, I’m getting off track but really my life is extremely interesting (sarcasm here) and at times comical.

This weekend I turned the dirty thirty. I celebrated by getting two more tattoos and seeing Keith Urban in concert. I also won $100 on tips while playing them at Ziggys a with my Paw Paw and husband. Feeling lucky! There was also a van that pulled up next to Zach and I, on the way into the concert full of old ladies smoking cigarettes. These lively women handed us a parking pass for free. I really had quite the weekend.

Things are looking up as we cruise out of the newborn stage. I’m starting to get back to myself, and feeling strong. That’s why I decided to throw everything out in the open on this blog. I’m accepting of the fact that I pee while working out, sometimes my left knee aches, I have one glass of wine a night, and I lock myself in the bathroom to escape my kids. It’s all good right?!

I’m walking into everything with a fresh outlook and today is a good day.


To The Flustered First Time Mom

shopping cart

I see you there. With your messy bun placed on the top of your head. It’s form holding up as it shines like a beacon in the baking section. There are small little wisps of hair falling out at the bottom. I can see you pull at them anxiously as they dance across your neck. Don’t worry though, your hair looks fine, imperfectly perfect.

Your outfit is interesting. I like it. It’s very “fall”. The black and red oversize flannel you are wearing really compliments the leggings you have underneath. Of course, you have moccasins on as well. Clearly the typical white girl rule is to wear Uggs but we all don’t have to abide to such rules all of the time. I would’ve went with the moccasins too.

All you’re missing is a Starbucks cup with your name and “PSL” scrawled on the side of its pristine white paper fiber. I am expecting to see one as I slowly approach you from behind with my shopping cart but as you turn to the side you have something else in your hand, a small multi-colored fish rattle of some sort. Then, as you reach to the shelf for that box of delicious chocolate cake I see a baby.

In that exact moment, I see myself.

Flashing forward 6 months from now, I will be that same lady. The young first time mother who is pulling at her hair wondering if she looks exhausted. At the same moment contemplating if it looks like I’m trying too hard to look my age, then also worrying that at times I don’t.

I”ll be playing with my baby while shopping and doing my best to keep her occupied while I scramble for groceries and hurriedly debate if I really need that same chocolate cake. (To the future me, yes you always NEED the cake. Don’t forget the bottle of wine either.)

I wanted so badly to talk to you mystery woman. I wanted to tell you that you look awesome, that your baby is really cute, and that I too will be right there with you soon enough. But you already know that.

As I go around your cart smiling at your little one who stares back at me with bright blue eyes, you turn your head and great me with a warm and tired smile. A smile I am aware that in time, I will know all too well.

I find comfort in your silent acknowledgement and look forward to my own future with question, excitement, and bewilderment. To think that I too will have a baby in my cart one day is crazy stuff. I only hope to be like you. The baby is a little fussy and you are slightly flustered but it’s normal. I like that you are still trying to be yourself…down to the matching bracelet and necklace. Don’t ever lose that. I also enjoy that you’re putting your child’s need for attention first because some people just don’t.

I hope to be a wonderful mother and solid example for my daughter. I also will still be myself no matter how much work it entails. I may be spending my money on baby clothes and the best car seat around instead of the latest IPhone and I”m 100% okay with that. I was willing the day I found out about her to put her first no questions asked.

However, a little splurge every now and then never hurt and making sure I look as good as you do to go out in public doesn’t make me vain. Just myself. You go girl, and you keep on keeping on.

I am looking forward to this new life. I will have my little girl on one arm and my latte in my hand.

A Little Wisdom.. :) 

“Life doesn’t always go our way. I do feel however, that we can shape our outcomes by who we choose to surround ourselves with. ”
“People will make you or break you, it’s up to you to be the one to know when to walk away. Your self worth is way more important than their bruised ego.”

What If I Fall? Oh, My Darling, What If You Fly?


While I’m sitting at my desk drinking my cup of Twining’s tea thinking about what my post will be for today, I happen to look out of my second story window to see a squirrel.

He seemed like just an ordinary critter.
I couldn’t help but watch him though because he was running up and down the same branches repeatedly. I had no idea what the hell the damn thing was doing so I was intrigued by its nonsense. As I’m staring out the window I realize that this thing has nowhere to go. It finally quit running back and forth and was daring to jump at this point. He placed himself right on the tip of the branch and sat contemplating his daring leap of faith.
I was worried for the squirrel because I didn’t think he was going to make such a long jump from the end of one flimsy tree branch to another tree. I was hoping that he wouldn’t fall and splatter the snow with his little acorn brains but it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve seen such things. Especially living in a wooded area with all sorts of animal shenanigans happening on a daily basis.

So anyways…

He went balls to the wall and jumped. Boy did that sucker fly. Despite my doubt he made it and scrambled up the branch going on about his day. I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m telling you about a squirrel and why the hell I watched it for so long.
Believe it or not, I related to the animal. I myself have been struggling with some things in life. It’s not the kind of struggle that’s detrimental to my well being but it is one that is equally frustrating. I have always been the kind of person who overanalyzes, but lately I’ve been someone who speculates and doubts.

The past 7 months I have been doing exactly what that dumb critter was doing, running back and forth on the same path exhausting myself while feeling I had no other options. It wasn’t until a week ago that I went on a whim and set in motion a new journey for myself. I found a solution, another path, another branch.

I certainly had some doubts, just like the squirrel did. I stood staring reality dead in the face and instead of continuing to run from it and make my life harder than it needed to be by going down the same monotonous way I jumped. To my own surprise I landed gracefully on the other side.

Of course I didn’t run off into the sunset like my little friend. I’m slowly (but surely) making my way down this new path but I know in time I will get where I finally am meant to be.

Life is full of opportunities. There are many doors we open and close without even realizing it. Whether it be something as simple as having a conversation with someone we haven’t seen in forever, or helping a person in need. These small connections that go overlooked are vital to our lives. There may be a time that they come into play when we desperately need them too.

When we are faced with the reality of any situation that is when we have the ability to choose for ourselves. WE control our fate to a certain extent and then we have to let go of the rest. Take a leap of faith. We can either stay on the same comfortable path knowing that there is no promise of results or be brave and venture in another direction we have never taken.

I’m happy I made the choices I have to bring me where I am today. Now I need to be patient and let it play out. I know good things are coming. I made the decision to jump. Not only in my career but in my personal matters. I AM A JUMPER. Are you?

All We Need is Just a Little Patience

As I sit at my desk tonight trying to decide what to write about I can only think of one thing.


It’s something I personally have been working on.
I am extremely impatient and want immediate results in everything I do. I want a six pack after a day of ab workouts and million dollars after one lottery ticket.
I just cannot except that things in life take time.
Are you this way? Have you taken steps to change that?

Well I have started to and it’s incredibly freeing. It is gratifying to my soul to know that I can’t control everything and that being patient will pay off in the end.

So I will continue to be this way in hopes that it makes my situations in life easier. I also am trying to do my best when it comes to over analyzing. That too will definitely ruin a good day.

Part of the reason I am the way I am is because it has been bred into my personality. Many members of my family have the same problem.
I’m sure you can all imagine what’s it’s like to be in that room!

But long story short, I’m slowly finding that the key to a peaceful life is patience. By demonstrating it little by little you will feel less overwhelmed.

It seems to be working for me so far. I haven’t even needed a glass of wine in days! 🙂

What are you THANKFUL for?

Today is Thanksgiving Eve which means different things to different people. For me, it means cooking with family and drinking. I find that I prepare my best meal with a little bit of wine in my hand. Or most times the whole bottle. ( Don’t judge me)

I wanted to take a moment to tell you all that I am extremely thankful for this year. Though I have had some unfortunate events take place they have been overshadowed by the good ones.
1. My husband, family, and friends.
2.My first book being published.
3.The ability to work for myself and others.
4. For being healthy.
5. The future and what it has in store for me.

Really though.

These are a few of the most prominent blessings in the forefront of my mind. I will leave you to ponder the question…
What are you thankful for?